Ikigai

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“Know your reason for being. Define the reason you get up in the morning. Make it something you are good at, passionate about, and that the world needs. THIS is meaning.”

What am I good at? Not climbing. Especially now as I am on the cusp of being fifty years old. My genius is in spatial interpretation and awareness. That’s never made me rich and likely never will. But in exploring the landscape I was born into I have been able to satisfy the cravings of my heart and mind.

I can find the lines. And it’s no bother to me to hike around with a crashpad stuffed with brushes and a saw and loppers. I have passion enough return again and again. Quick after work sessions. Winter weekend outings. I believe eventually I’ll send all of my projects. Maybe naively.

Is this my purpose? Is this something worthwhile in the grand scheme? Am I inscribing into the stone of the universe the petroglyphs of my legacy?

I’m not good at waiting patiently. I end up feeding the urges in my mind with handfuls of exploration. Those urges are hard to satisfy.

I explore in my dreams. I wake up wanting to see something new every day. I make lists. I keep a tally of unsent projects in the back of my mind. Sometimes I can’t stop thinking about them and have to stop whatever I’m doing to chase some new climb. Or find a new arch. Or visit a new overlook. Or holler. Or trail. Or stream.

(Originally posted 12/10/23)

Wabi-Sabi

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“Embrace imperfection. Nothing lasts, nothing is complete. Accept your own flaws and those of others. Find beauty in imperfection.”

Getting older has a way of granting you perspective you couldn't get otherwise. You begin to see that change is the only constant in the universe. Things that seem like they will never change always do.

It also becomes painfully clear that you will never actually cross the finish line and be able to just enjoy some post-effort state. You never get a day off from life until it's over.

The quality of our experiences are based in our attitudes. Being able to accept something less than perfect... less than ideal...is a sublime joy. It's hard when other people cannot. It's even more difficult when they hold you responsible for their inability to enjoy life in its raw form.

Lately I've been going out and climbing whatever boulder problems I can. I'm not at the level of strength I would like to be, but I am still in the game.

Proprioceptive memories are an incredible experience. Wabi-Sabi is a recent problem I found and climbed, but sometimes, twenty years later now, I discover that my body remembers movements and the texture and shape of the rock that I haven't touch or made in two decades. And sometimes on problems and climbs I may have only done once. When I stretch for a hold and the split second before I fully grasp it I can remember EXACTLY how it's going to feel. That moment of "oh, there you are". When I turn into a back step, or find the right foot and my body finds the echo of movement from another lifetime...it's hard to truly describe. And I wish I had known all those years ago this was going to happen, but I'm happy to have these strange experiences now.

(originally posted on 12/9/23)