Thrutching Uglies

When I got to the gym last Tuesday night they’d just finished setting a section of the bouldering area and opened it up.

There was a cool looking V2-V4 problem with some sloper pockets, so I tried it but came off. It went up, then hard right, then up and back hard left to finish. Kind of a crescent. 

A gaggle of broccoli-headed pinpricks walked up and were talking about it while I tried it. One got on it and tried to go straight up on long moves and avoided the out right. He fell off. Then the next two managed to do it the way he had tried but kicking feet, sloppy hands, and just barely got it and only because they’re as strong as tape worms.

So I stepped up and sent it the way they had but like I had climbed it a hundred times, no thrutching, no flailing, and without expending a lot of energy.

I didn’t feel so old suddenly.

I worked out for an hour in the fitness room and then I bouldered for an hour. Most of the problems I got on were V2 or harder and even the ones I couldn’t do felt good.

Tonya and I made a visit to Schoolhouse Rocks on Friday. It was disappointing; I was still dragging after my intense Tuesday gym session. I didn’t clean up a bunch of unsent problems like I thought I would. It still feels like Blitzkrieg Bop is waaay over my head. But…I did feel stronger. I guess the lessons is: progress isn’t defined by reaching a goal, just moving closer to it. 

I got on Judy is a Punk and actually made significant progress. If I can get one or two more moves I think it’ll go. Same can be said for Balaclava Lover Boogie. I managed to get my feet up above the lip of the overhang. One more bump up with my left hand and it’ll have went.

Attempting Judy is a Punk

I need more upper body strength/power to get off the ground on Blitzkrieg and Naked and Famous/Afraid. I think once I can pull off those first moves those problems will go easier. 

Then we hiked around to Downtown and then out. I was wrecked the rest of the weekend. Sore and stiff all over. I spent some time soaking in the cold tub. I think I needed more rest after last Tuesday. That’s nuts. But I did a lot and felt good doing it. So I’m paying the price. I need to dial back my efforts. Build slower. And that’s what I’ll do.

I was disappointed with my efforts at Schoolhouse on Saturday, but really I did pretty good. I was sure Balaclava would go easily and it didn’t. But otherwise I posted up a solid effort. I did really good on Judy is a Punk and felt good. I opted to stop so I wouldn’t hurt myself trying it. But obviously it took a bit out of me and kept me from sending Balaclava. And that’s okay. I’ll flip flop my efforts next time. 

My Sunday visit to The Pearl was even more disappointing, but that seems to be the pattern: one week strong and making progress and the next week regression. Repeat.

I should be able to reshape myself inside and out. People do all the time. People go from weak to strong—people who have faced much worse health and injuries than me—people who start from much lower down the mountain than me. I have to unbreak myself and break the cycle of gloom and fatness. I am making progress. I am impatient. 

Attempting Balaclava Lover Boogie

Dawn Patrol: Pearl Edition

Me: Can we get Pusher on the way home?

Mom: We have Pusher at home.

The Pusher at home:

Dragging my feet, I still got to Sky Bridge Ridge by 8:30am on Saturday morning. I was warmer than I expected it to be. I changed into shorts when I got to the crag. Then I set up my pad (I have to tie it to a small tree to keep it from sliding down the slope). The warmup routine is set.

I wasn’t expecting much. My previous high point seemed like a wall I just couldn’t surmount. But without much ado, I cranked my left heel onto the rail, grabbed the starting holds, and fired all the way through to my highpoint. As I choked up to make the lunge for the gaston I popped off.

On my second attempt I managed to match and tag the gaston before coming off, but after watching the video of that attempt, I realized I’m coming off as I’m lunging for the hold. It’s not my success at landing the gaston that’s inhibiting progress—it’s the setup for the move that’s causing me to come off. I also realized after those first two attempts that I have gotten stronger since I started this process, and for each move leading up to my lunge from the match I am more solid and in control. That’s distinct progress.

As frustrating as it can be, I love the process of working out hard boulder problems. I gave The Pearl nine burns on Saturday. On four or five I was able to tag the gaston before coming off, but on all of those attempts I was sagging away as I slapped up with my right hand. My next goal is to make the move to the gaston in complete control. This will take some core strength and body tension control.

My progress is slow and incremental. I’m only getting out there once a week to try. That’s mainly because the days are too short this time of year. The other factor is that I’m committed to going to the gym (workout/climbing) on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and the other days I’m either resting or trying the problem or hiking or whatever. I’ve been ignoring my ongoing development of the new area. I’d intended to have at least a hundred new problems this year, but I’m holding at around fifty. I need to get back there and knock out a bunch of unclimbed lines. Of course, all this strengthening going on will make my efforts more successful when I do get back up there.  

I feel pretty good about sending this problem by the end of the year. I haven’t gotten on Dreams yet, but I will soon. I had a good session at the gym last week as well. I watched a tiny little girl working a V2-V4 graded problem (why such a range?) while being coached by my fitness guru. Once they moved on, I got on it and did much better than expected. I’m making it my goal for this week to send that one (assuming they don’t strip it and set something else in its place). I am a curmudgeon at the gym. I’m a curmudgeon at the crag.

After I finished working on The Pearl Saturday, I spent a little time cleaning up the No Inhibitions Boulder for future ascents. A couple of climbers hiked up to The Inhibitor. One of them looked over and asked what the problem I was cleaning went at. I looked it—a V0 problem called Gratuitous Crotch Grab—and replied: “It’s really easy.” The guy was like “oh, okay…” and then proceeded to walk down behind the Inhibitor (Pearl) Boulder and piss at the corner where the iconic problem starts. And he did it in full view of me on top of the other boulder.

I decided anytime I’m up there and need to piss I’m going to start going under The Inhibitor. Should I be so...pissy? I mean, Rennak said he had to clean up under the boulder before he could do the FA. But now there's chalk and it's obvious bouldering activity. Anyone with half a brain could see that. Anyone. 

Did I mention that I hate people? It’s leaf gawking season. It’s “prime climbing weather.” It’s all BS. I miss the old days when I mostly had the whole place to myself. I miss my dirtbag days. My goal in life is to figure out how to live that life again. Before I’m too old to enjoy it. 

Current high point

Third Pizza Party of the Apocalypse

 

Sometimes a shape inspires you. Sometimes a physical structure defines the shape of your soul. The 45° striated face of The Pearl does all that and more. It’s punk. It’s soul. It’s ethereal. Am I climbing out of a clamshell? Am I racing starlines through hyperspace? Are my tendons tearing away from my muscles and bones?  

What progress have I made on sending The Pearl? Zilch. In fact, I’ve lost a little ground, I can’t even get back to matching on the sloper/crimp hold before the gaston.

At the same time, I’m trying to send the classic V5 problem at Sky Bridge Ridge I am also beginning a new workout regime. It’s kicking my butt, too. And then my damned shoulder…the one I wrecked when I wrecked my bike on the Coors railroad spur leaving Golden, Colorado on my way home from work in the rain back in July of 2011…is still weak and painful. I deeply regret not doing the PT exercises they sent home with me that day.

Anyway, I went up there on Sunday to try the problem again, but due to some left index finger pain I opted not to push beyond two weak attempts. Then I set about cleaning up the Double Helix, Detox, and Fonz Boulders some more. I also tried the problem Detox for the first time in a couple decades. I remember it being hard back when I was strong and in shape, but it felt near impossible at my current levels. Then I tried a new problem I think may clock in at V1 and quickly lost interest when I struggled to get off the ground on that. It was demoralizing.

What I think happened Sunday is that I hadn’t rested and recovered enough after my two workout sessions last week. Recovery takes longer now. I’m trying to do too much too fast. I really need to focus on getting strong and in good condition before I start pushing limits, I think. Maybe I need to delay the Pearl quest until I make some distinct improvements. But my restless passions don’t allow me to consider that normally. I have negligible discipline. My bandwidth is narrow. The deluge of information is apocalyptic most days. I just can’t focus. I just can’t maintain a good sense of priority.

I know that the only things that will have a significant impact on my future self are drastic changes. I simply can’t keep moving forward on the same narrow path I’ve been trammeling my whole life. I have to step far outside my comfort zone.

I look at a recent photo of me attempting The Pearl. I’m heel hooking the sculptured rail, my right hand is on the starting rib, my left hand is crossed over and crimping hard on the small, but positive edge, and I’m eyeing the next right-hand sloper, ready to slap and choke up on it. To date, slapping that one and matching my left hand to the upper crimpy edge of it is as far as I’ve progressed.

The photo has a timeless feel to me. It could be twenty-something me working the problem years ago when I was so much stronger and closer to sending it. I gave up because my elbows were eaten up with tendinitis. Not only did I give up on The Pearl back then, but I gave up on bouldering altogether.

Today it’s not tendinitis; it’s a fourteen year old shoulder injury from a bicycle crash and late-presenting rotator cuff issues. It’s thirty pounds of stress-related weight gain. It’s decades of betrayal, failure, and disaster. Oh, and a heaping helping of self-doubt.

I’ve been on a self-guided healing journey for the past twenty months. Deep in the winter of 2024 I finally found the depths of what I will tolerate against myself. I was so overwhelmed with social anxiety and crushing depression that I burst up out of the shelf ice that had been holding me down, and I began warming the troposphere of my life with a slow burning ire.

It's been a complex quest hunting down the demons that have poisoned my mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing for as long as I can remember. There are still stragglers out there, but I know their faces; I will find them and eradicate them.

When I first threw out sending The Pearl by the end of the year as a goal, it seemed innocuous enough. After all, it was just another climbing tick on another list I’ve made. It’s arbitrary. It’s not important in the scheme of things. But then I remembered why I stopped working on the problem—the tendinitis. That abruptly ended my climbing career.

Back then, I didn’t have the resources to address the root causes and find the healing I needed. There were deficiencies and holes in my life. I never had a lot of money. I never had a lot of sound, reasonable support for my deepest needs from those close to me. Hardly anyone was giving me good advice on how to handle those kinds of issues. Or any kinds of issues. I went years ignoring the yammering devils that were chasing me as they wore me down, chewed up my mind and body, and delighted in my ruin. That’s all behind me.

Working The Pearl isn’t exactly picking up where I left off. It’s maybe more like going into a long disused room in my mind, turning on the light, sweeping up the dust of years, and starting to reorganize and mend things. The Pearl is finally making me focus on things I have avoided making eye contact with forever.

When I first decided on this as a goal, I was satisfied that it’s harder—even if only by one grade—than anything else I had ever climbed. I didn’t exactly understand at first, but now I do. By throwing down a challenge that is beyond anything else I had ever succeeded at I have forced myself to evaluate the entire system and plug the leaks. For whatever reason, the goal of summiting the Grand Teton has never struck such a deep chord in me.

It's possible I may never send The Pearl. I’m going to give it my best effort. I’m not going to give up until it’s obvious there is no path forward. I believe I can heal and strengthen my injuries and weaknesses. I’ve already made the first steps to do so.

In a related vein, I have also been cleaning up the other established problems at Sky Bridge Ridge. I’m rehabbing the whole area to be conducive to bouldering again. I’ve not stopped my development of Boulder City. That’s still ongoing with a brief pause while chiggers overrun the land. My hope is to throw down a few more new first ascents there before the end of the year. Maybe with this clarity of focus I can surprise myself with what’s possible there as well.

More to come…