Trip Report: Fifth Time is Apparently Not the Charm

“…you need to make peace with failure. It isn't enough merely to tolerate it; you need to appreciate failure and use of it.”

~ Dan Millman, Body Mind Master

I was not going to fail this time. 2025 was going to be the year I finally summited the Grand Teton, settling a nearly thirty year obsession with the Teton Range that morphed into an unhealthy summit fever. When I read that Dan Millman quote last winter I applied it to the 2023 attempt that got me above the fixed ropes at the Lower Saddle but no further. Fear and doubt were the anchors that held me back then. I would not let them stop me again. And they didn’t. Something else did. I didn’t expect to reevaluate my 2025 efforts through the lens of that quote.

All I can say is: there is no bitterness or regret in me. I am grateful for the chance to be in the mountains and experiencing life mostly on my own terms. I might have sacrificed a chance at my main bucket list item to give someone else an opportunity to share in that experience, but it resulted in another failed attempt. At some point I need to shove everything else aside and chase my own selfish summit. Otherwise I’m never going to get there.

For the most part I did things right. I swapped out my heavier gear for lighter. I eliminated much from my pack. We had a slightly better strategy than in ‘23. I wasn’t in the best shape, but I was in better shape than in the past. Despite doubts on summit eve, I woke up feeling sound of mind and heart. I went up determined to approach the summit with a pure heart.

Of course we deviated from the strategy just enough to derail the attempt. We woke at 4am instead of leaving camp at the Meadows at 4am. Knowing there were thunderstorms forecast for 3pm we still made an attempt that day instead of waiting til the next day despite building in the third day as a backup in case of inclement weather. Those two factors alone wouldn’t have totally thwarted us except this: two of our party were moving too slow to maximize our narrower weather window. The third was doing too much and being too antsy. And at least one of us was in way over their head and not really ready for such a big climb.

Despite all that we got to about 12,000’ at 9:00am. Reading back that last sentence…we might have made it anyway. Dylan was basing us being behind schedule on the guidebook stating the summit was six hours from the Lower Saddle via the Upper Exum. While we were going slow, we still might have made it once we got on the technical route. Oh well.

I had an epiphany at 12,000’: I didn’t fall in love with the Grand Teton; I fell in love with the Teton Range. The number-chasing, life-lister, peakbagger in me had let myself become obsessed with the highest point in the range to the exclusion of everything else. I’ve not summited a single lower peak in the Tetons, but I keep going back to “climb the Grand.” I’ve missed out on so many great experiences to bag a single peak. That’s misguided.

We didn’t summit. I finally made it high enough to see the upper mountain. It felt within reach. I could see the rest of the route above me piercing the sky. So close…

It was a great experience. I’m thankful to have gotten so far. I’m thankful to have felt so good. It’s definitely helped my confidence even more. Confidence is something I’ve lacked my whole life. So this process to climb the Grand Teton has mainly been a journey to overcome my impoverished sense of capability. 

It rained. There were thunderstorms that afternoon. It wasn’t the wrong decision to turn back. There were other decisions made which thwarted us. Those have been noted.

Bookending time in the Tetons we climbed at Vedauwoo and the Needles of Mount Rushmore. Both were enjoyable. I could definitely be an eastern Wyoming rock climber. Buffalo still looks like a good place to be.

I’m fifty-one. I’m not too old to climb mountains. I won’t be for a long time, evidenced by the seventy-eight year old we passed coming down from summiting the day before. But north of fifty there are considerations. I’m slower than I used to be. This is a hard truth. I was always the fastest hiker. No one out hiked me until recently. Overall stamina is much harder to build and maintain. Again, I used to have such a deeper well of energy than I do now. It’s humbling and tough to accept.

I am alive. I am relatively healthy. All of that seems less sure than it used to. I recently lost an old friend. A month before his sudden passing we ran into each other at random and reconnected. We exchanged numbers—we hadn’t really climbed together since before cellphones were so prevalent—and before we could really get together again he was gone.

At Rick’s visitation Dave and I looked at the framed photos of Rick climbing in the Gorge, visiting places like Mount Washington, New Hampshire and the summit of the Grand Teton.

When I stood up from our high point above the Lower Saddle, I thought of Rick. He had been in that exact place at some point. He’d shared the view I had in that moment. I was grateful to be in such a grand place. I felt a deep and abiding joy just being alive on that mountain. No matter what else, I have been high on the Grand Teton.

While still on the trip I decided instead of a second attempt in September I would do a big state highpoint trip out west. I have a plan that would take me to nine highpoints in eight days. If I could pull that off and sneak in a visit to Mount Washington I could claim ten more state highpoints in 2025 bringing my total to forty.

I’ll close this post with three quotes from The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo:

• "the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself" 
• "I've discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve." 
• "...before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream."