A Letter to My Children About 9/11

To my children,

Ten years have passed and I still don't have the words to adequately describe my feelings about September 11, 2001. You were born into the world after and so you cannot truly share in the experience like those of us who watched in silent horror as two jet planes crashed into the two tallest buildings in the world and then as those buildings disintegrated into rubble in the middle of the busiest city in the country.

The events of that day changed our perceptions of the world. The events of that day took us into two wars. The events of that day will affect you in the world you've inherited from us.

You were born into a world where the official enemy of the State is the Islamic terrorist. I was born into a different world, one where the Red Commie was the mortal enemy of all that was good and right in the world. I grew up in a world that faced the daily threat of global annihilation through mutually assured destruction by nuclear holocaust. You are growing up in a world of elevated terror alerts and the threat of dirty bombs and suicide bombers.

Our worlds are not so different in that they have been crafted by the mainstream media to give us an enemy to focus upon. In our Orwellian society...oh wait, you're not old enough to have read and understood 1984 yet. We'll get to that soon enough.

I can't watch footage of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers and then of the Towers collapsing without fighting tears. And I can't explain to you why I'm emotional in view of that imagery. I wasn't there. I don't know anyone who died that day. I'm not sure what I mourn.

I'm not a patriot in the strictest sense of the word. I'm not proud of this country and I would not condone either of my children going off to war in a foreign land to defend American foreign policy. I'd fight it with all of my being if faced with that situation. I am a patriot in the sense that I believe in the ideals put down on paper by the founding fathers that enacted the hope of a better country for all who came to these shores. I don't think we've been true to their vision.

I believe it is right to sacrifice for what you believe in, but I don't believe we should die for lies.

And since I'm not a patriot...since I question the vague mantra "Support the Troops," since I have begun to think subversive thoughts...then why do I mourn the destruction of the World Trade Center Twin Towers? Were they not the symbols of hedonistic capitalism which I abhor? Of course. Have I not said all along that there was a reason those radically minded people hated our country enough to wreak such chaos and havoc on our lives? Most assuredly.

Then why do I have to scrub my burning eyes when I see those plumes of smoke, those people coated in the fallout from the towers, when I hear the recordings of the last phone calls by the victims played? Why?

After ten years I don't know.

One day soon I'll talk to the two of you about that day. I won't promise by then that I'll have an answer. I won't promise by then that I won't have more questions.

I'm not sure what I believe about the events of September 11, 2001. I know what I saw. I know what it looked like. I know what I've seen since. I just can't let my brain slow down enough to synthesize everything into a coherent picture of the whole. I won't let myself dwell too long on the images burned in my brain.

I had a part in bringing you into the world after having experienced 9/11, so I must think there is hope for mankind and for our society. Or maybe I did for awhile. I do have hope in you. I know you have a purpose in life and I will help you along in that purpose as long as I have the life and energy to do so.

In some ways I'm glad you were not born on that day. I can't imagine trying to explain to a young child what they were seeing on that day, as even the adults in the room were confused, stunned and traumatized. On that day there was no place for analysis. On that day we were all numb, beleaguered and knocked off balance. It took us some time to regain our stride. And then you came along...

You'll ask about that day soon enough, maybe even in a couple of days. I'll answer you as best I can, but please forgive my inability to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about 9/11. It is not something I possess.